Hello Jim sheet music

This is the
Goon Show Liberation Army - this text appears in sennapod brown.

Light Programme

and the time is eight o'clock.

(777K MP3)

from "The Mysterious Punch-Up-The-Conker" Script ... Now GET OUT!


(Thinks: I wonder what a manifesto is)

Incorporating the political wing:
The F'Tang.

All secret military correspondence should be wrapped in a mini American flag, sealed in a sock, steamed in a leather omnibus until the chicken is tender and then quietly emailed to this top secret location:

A Goon Show Introduction (26K - MP3)
(from 'Childe Harolde's Reward)


As Bloodnok would say:

Well, my !

Blooknok introductions

Moriarty Introductions

Min and Crun's Elephants

And just because I'm I giddy, big-bottomed fun-loving girl deep down...

Many other ragged Goon noises are available from http://bloodnok.net/

Found 3 March 2015...

The Hutchins School Magazine (Hobart, Tasmania), Number 98, page 22 (Sixth Form Spasms) reported:

Like all conventional members of the radio listening community, the majority of the Sixth Formers are well versed, in "Goonery.” This has promptly led to the establishment of the 6BC (Sixth Broadcasting Commission). If parents are concerned that their sons have been talking of smoking "pictures of Sabrina,” or habitually calling them "mates” and "Charlies,” please don’t worry, it’s just a craze.

This is not the BBC Home Service.

Dateline: March 10, 2001. Posted to alt.fan.goons

What am I doing here? Before I got online I used to party, talk to friends, write letters.


No I didn't. I used to make clever Goonshow remarks to the cat, who failed to understand them.

Being a Goon fan is a bit like being a trainspotter: no-one at work understands a Lurgi quip, let alone a desperate "yuckabuckoo" during a stressful meeting.

It's nice to feel at home with fellow fetishists who know the value of a good ploogie when it's needed. Above all, it's a delight to be amongst usenet posters who can actually spell!

I can't even say "I don't wish to know that" at work without lengthy explanations.
I wish the Goon Show were compulsory in primary school so the world would understand us.

Perhaps we need a Goon Liberation movement so "straights" could learn to understand our special needs (e.g. when your boss tells you off, it should not be an offence to answer "My aunt owns a duck farm in Kent!")

I shall immediately begin the Goon Liberation movement to spread the good goon word.

I expect to have at least one MP in every parliament who can cry "I resign" whenever he's noticed.

My Provisional Goon Liberation Army shall launch batter puddings at BBC studios everywhere.

New anti-goon discrimination laws shall be passed so it will illegal to act against people who say "Footo - the wonder boot exploder" to every question asked of them during staff meetings.

We shall be free to advertise Dolly Mixture on websites and call for the screens during embarrassing public moments. We shall outlaw parrot sketch recitations and mandate Min and Henry exchanges in their stead.


My new political party shall wipe the nongoon parties from the political map. We shall invade countries with turnips upon our noses for NO REASON WHATSOEVER and install telephones fearlessly in Africa.

We shall savagely ask citizens what the time is, and beat them savagely if they do not correctly recite the "I've got it written on a piece of paper" mantra.

I shall advise you all where to collect your turnips.

We shall NEVER surrender, until it's no longer funny.

Thank you.

The First Salvo is Fired!

The Goon Show Liberation Army Recruits

Gunner-General Honorary-Sir Spike Milligna, the well-known typing error

Eccles learns something after a phone call (MP3)
from The Mountain Eaters

Poor old Spike walked backwards for the last time today - Wednesday February 27, 2002.

He's not dead: he's just fallen in the water. (MP3, 33K)

Thanks for making my sense of humour a non-custodial offence, Spike.

If I couldn't have blamed Spike for leading me astray mentally, I would have been considered psychotic from the age of six.

Spiky Tributes


The Rather Later Sir Hairy Secombe, Prince of Whales

11 April 2001: What what what what what what what? Alas, now Sir Harry Hairy (Ned of Wales) Seagoon Secombe is now a little later than he was.
He died today at the age of 79. Spike once remarked once that he hoped Harry would go first so he couldn't sing at Spike's funeral.
Thonks for a lifetime of hilarity, Harry.

As Dennis Norden said: "He was blessed with a spirit that is so rare, and getting rarer."

Read the Beeb Beeb Ceeb report.

Apart from Harry Secombe, who are you? (MP3) -
from The Mountain Eaters

The Very Late Nearly-Sir Peter Sellers

Born Richard Henry Sellers on 8 September 1925 in Southsea (Hampshire,UK), Peter Sellers, the oral chameleon died at the age of 54 on 24 July 1980 - only a few months before the shooting of John Lennon on 8 December.

The two events are not believed to be connected.

While Peter was said to be able to imitate any human - except himself - he went on to Hollywood features and even bigger automobiles, but his dicky heart always stayed with the brandy-soaked, halcyon days of the Goon Show.

The well-armed Saint Sabrina - they just have to be rocket launchers under that jumper!
That's why it was called a rocket bra!

Well, if she can raise your spirits like she raises those... well...
God Bless Saint Sabrina! It IS a miracle, I tell you!
Curse the demise of the horse-drawn zeppelins!

Hear Ned of Wales explain why he, as Strolling Prime Minister, was late. (MP3)

Click Sabrina to visit her living shrine at nylon.net/sabrina - thousands of pix online!

A spooky event (19 October 2002) - searching for "Norma Sykes" brought up a Goon Show book - and not in the way you'd expect. It found Norma Farnes (Spike's agent) and Eric Sykes (occasional script contributor) on the same page advertising Norma's book "The Goons: The Story". Perhaps Norma and Eric were Sabrina's secret loveparents?

Listen to the references to Sabrina in the Goon Show

Charles, Nerd of Wales

(Charles is the one in the middle)

A ragged goonish prince, with leeks on his knees and a truly delightful intelligent individuality that no royal protocol can ever completely crush.

Ray Ellington and his Quartet

Ray Ellington: lasts the whole drink through!

(94K - MP3 - from 'The Mountain Eaters')

Wallace Greenslade

who hated people putting jelly up his vest (203K, MP3)

Max 'Konk' Geldray

was often found with his organ in his mouth, blowing away mightily.
His conk is still making the headlines (20K - MP3)

Max Geldray died October 2, 2004. Max Geldray, Europe's first jazz harmonica player, was born in 1916 in Amsterdam. In 1950 he teamed up with little known comedians, Sellers, Secombe, Milligan and Bentine for a radio show which became the popular 1950's "The Goon Show" and Max Geldray became a household name, and a source of comfort to thousands of frustrated housewives.

Wally Stott (Angela Morley) - January 23 2009 - has died aged 84. A leading light musician, composer, arranger and conductor, in addition to creating many radio, television and film scores. Most associated with the BBC radio comedy classics Hancock's Half Hour and the Goon Show, he/she went on to work on a number of Hollywood films and US television shows including Dallas and Dynasty. A transsexual woman, previously known as Wally Stott, she underwent a sex change in 1972. When Hancock's Half Hour began its radio run in 1954, Stott composed the theme tune, in which the opening notes on the tuba were intended to represent Tony Hancock's persona. She turned down the chance to be part of the Last Goon Show of All because she had not yet gone public about her sex change. After Stott had become Morley, Geldray recalled, "it didn't take me very long to find out that, in all the ways that mattered, the person I found now was still the person I had known". Angela Morley, formerly Wally (Walter) Stott, composer, arranger and conductor, born 10 March 1924; died 14 January 2009


Wally Stott

And after...

Angela Morley

And the combined farces of alt.fan.goons

who will, with the naked power of combined leather cucumbers, and rippling kippers on the end of forks, battle the mindless anti-goon prejudice of the Rest Of The World.


The manifesto of the GSLA is being drafted with the assistance of a turtle-powered mango interfaced with a brown-paper fern, which could explain why it's not going too well. I hope all Goon-related armed forces secreted around the world (and Hern Land) can contribute to this vital document. I really wish they'd stop secreting. It's getting all over my duck.

All correspondence should be directed to


Naturally, the first priorities of the GSLA and F'tang will be to:

a) Find out what became of the crispy bacon we had before the war.

b) Instigate a royal commission into why we can't get the wood, you know.

c) Establish a safety zone around Major Bloodnok's trousers after curry time.

d) Install nurses at strategic locations with screens.

e) Restrict the sale of filter-tipped gorillas and baboons to children.

f) Erect a bust of Sabrina for local Members have something to stand for.

Magenta, Chief Minister for proper deployment of Screens adds:

1/ Compulsory vaccination for lurgi shall be introduced immediately.

2/ All clocks will be banned, who needs them when we have all these pieces of paper lying about?

3/ Everyone will be obliged to think of Aardvaarks.

4/ Measures will be introduced to prevent discrimination against sufferers of Ducks Disease.

An amendment offered by that ancient toothless idiot, Henry Crun:

As any fule kno, the only cure for the dreaded lurgi is to play a brass band instrument. Therefore, I would suggest that Item 1 be amended to include the following; " Alternatively, any euphonium player who is suitably qualified may perform an emergency trombonectomy, thus stopping the spread of the dreaded Lurgi".

Yours insincerely, Henry ... mnk ... Crun

When The New World Order comes about --
I demand the following ---

1. Free and plentiful supply of wood to all inventors.
2. Unrestricted supplies of pre-war crispy bacon.
3. State benefits to help all leather and string heroes to purchase

Oh! and a healthy supply of bribe givers to my department!!
(I gotta live in the fashion I wish to become accustomed to!!!)

Jock O'Knees
Minister for accepting bribes
Passports & Sirdoms arranged while-u-wait.
No appointments necessary.

This very important qualification was posted by Martin:

The carrying of chickens whenever there's a fog must also be taken into account.
Chickens can't see where they're going in a fog.
Unless it's a fog chicken, and there's no such thing as a fog chicken.

I think there's a lesson there for all of us.

Be afraid - be VERY afraid of fog chickens!

A comment, typically supportive of the GSLA campaign, from TC at alt.fan.goons:

GRYTPYPE: ...Greenslade?
WAL (delighted): May I?
GRYTPYPE: By all means.
WAL: You silly twisted boy you!!!

Of this page it has been vehemently said:

I like the pretty drawings :-)

Time for another owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

And it came to pass that Bruce Laing posted:

Hello folks at world (and in that order)

With the recent formation (and fivemation) of the "Goon Show Liberation Army". I had a thought. The GSLA may need an anthem.

I'm doing this off my own bat. To make things easier, I will leave it up to everyone here on this newsgroup to make a suggestion on what should be used.

I have a few ideas, but you may have something better.

1) the last 30 seconds of "The Ying Tong Song"
2) The national anthem for "Yakabakoo" (The Sleeping Prince)

Bruce (Dr. Madcap) Laing

Very dishonourable member of Smithfield and Finchley areas, and idiot sounds extroadinary to the house of Frutt.

Goonführer Bruce, GSLA's musical director and bare-teeth combat instructor reports:

We now have the results of the anthem for the GSLA. I would like to thank everybody who voted, and from the results, it was a unanimous decision.

Editor's Note: "unanimous" is being used in the informal sense of "55.26%" rather than the usual "100%"... This is a cunning strategy, originally used by Montgomery during the noisy Second World War ™

  • The runaway winner was "Bloodnok's Rock and Roll Call" taking 55.26% of the vote
  • Coming in second was "The Ying Tong Song" with 26.32%
  • The "Glorious" national anthem for "Yakabakoo" (The Sleeping Prince) took 7.89%
  • "The Raspberry Song" was next with 5.26%
  • Next was "Unchained Melody" and "You Gotta Go Oww" each getting 2.63% of the vote
  • And finally, "Someday I'll find you" got no votes.

    Thanks Bruce. Now that we have an anthem, we just need a NAAFI and a good recipe for batter puddings (for the hurling of)...

Anti-Personnel Batter Pudding Recipe (for the hurling of)

3 eggs, lightly beaten by a policeman
1.5 cups sugar
1 lemon, juice only
1 lemon, rind only, grated
1/2 cup water
2 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder

Mix baking powder, flour, sugar, lemon rind and eggs together. Add slowly the water and lemon juice. Turn into a buttered baking dish. Bake in moderate oven for about 30 minutes. Hurl at victim while still warm.

From ABC Web site (2 June 2004):

The Return of Neddy Seagoon and His Friends
Radio National brings back The Goons and other BBC Radio Comedies

What, The Goons gone, Dad's Army retired! The ABC must be mad!

That was the response of many Radio National listeners when the station decided to take the classic BBC Radio comedies off the schedule in January this year.

There was an overwhelming listener campaign for their reinstatement, no doubt led by fans of characters like Neddy Seagoon who made The Goons - featuring the talents of Peter Sellars, Spike Milligan and Harry Secombe - probably the greatest radio comedy series of all time.

The BBC Radio comedies had been broadcast each day on Radio National since 1999 at 5.30am, and The Goons had been on the station at other timeslots for far longer. Radio National estimated that the series had been repeated close to fifty times since its first broadcast in the 1950s, and given that the most popular programs were available on CD and Tape from ABC Enterprises, it was possible that the audience were in fact tiring of the classic comedies.

However, the opposite was true. New listeners were discovering this rich archive of British comedy and the existing fans still wanted to wake up to a laugh every morning. They would not be silenced until these programs returned!

"We had an incredible and heartfelt listener response," noted Gordon Taylor, Radio National's Program Manager. "The fans of these programs told us that we were missing out on an intergenerational 'hand-over'. They were sitting down their kids - and sometimes grandkids - to listen to these programs. Many told us how they had started listening to Radio National because of The Goons. Overall we felt that these and other arguments put forward were valid and outweighed the reasons we had for taking the comedies off the schedule."

The change had been also motivated by the desire of Radio National to promote the home-grown comedy of The Quiz with Jane Clifton, which replaced The Goons on Sundays at 3.30pm. So now Radio National presents the best of both worlds. The Goons will resume at 5.30am on Fridays, whilst The Quiz will remain on Sundays at 3.30pm, repeated Saturdays at 5.30am, and the other classic BBC comedies return to the weekday 5.30am timeslots.

Beginning Monday, 31 May, the full schedule will be: Monday Dad's Army, Tuesday Hancock's Half-Hour, Wednesday My Music, Thursday My Word, Friday The Goons and Saturday the repeat of The Quiz.

On Sunday at 5.30am, Radio National will continue to broadcast a mixture of more recent BBC Radio comedies including The Mark Steel Revolution until September, followed by I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue.

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Due to circumcisions beyond my control,
I am forced to post these links to other Goonish sites (sadly, most of them are now deaded)

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