Yeah, I know. They don't mean to do harm. It's just that their emotions get hard to control and they write poetry. Don't get me wrong: there's nothing wrong with that. Even been known to do it myself. The key difference is: I didn't publish it on the bloody internet for the world to accidentally step in! |
5 Sept 06- New! Finally, a site update - and a juicy one it is too! This is the poem Bec Cartwright read out at the reception of her wedding to tennis star Lleyton Hewitt. It combines several key warning signs: they're Australian, they're sports stars, and they're in the throes of twue wuv. Prepare your sickbags, folks: this is going to be particularly nasty! I have added a line-by-line syllable count so forensic poets can determine the cause of this poem's death. |
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| The 'Poetry' | Syllables | Commentary |
Long live love, we says. I really don't know where to start, |
13 | "we says"? Bec, dear. It's better if you don't start at all. |
| but I definitely know you've captured my heart, | 12 | |
| It started that night you called me up, | 9 | |
| to see if I'd play in the Starlight Cup | 10 | Is this a poem or a diary? |
| Way back then, little did we know, | 8 | |
| That our love for one another could grow and grow, | 12 | Ya gotta admit - IT RHYMES so it must be a poem! |
| A text message or two is what kept us in touch | 12 | Sorry - what's this got to do with anything? |
| And I want you to know that I love you so much | 12 | |
| It wasn't 'til late in 2004 | 11 | |
| That I received another phone call | 9 | A half rhyme - she must be getting tired. |
| When we decided to meet, | 7 | |
| we went up the street for something to eat, | 10 | It gets better, folks! |
| From that day on I've been by your side | 9 | |
| And look at me now, | 5 | |
| I am here as your bride! | 6 | Collapse of the beautiful and sophisticated rhyming pattern. |
| I used to wish upon a star | 8 | |
| that I'd meet the perfect husband | 8 | |
| - and here you are! | 4 | |
| You're an inspiration to so many including me, | 14 | |
| Anyone whose ever met you can count themselves lucky, | 14 | Yup - the number of syllables per line is purely random. |
| I'm so lucky I've found the one, | 8 | |
| Being with you I have nothing but fun, | 10 | |
| You are my best friend and my dream come true | 10 | |
| And I'm so glad to be sharing all this with you | 12 | |
| This is only the start of our dream together, | 12 | |
| But I promise to love you until forever | 12 | |
| A poetically long time, to be sure! | 10 | Can you imagine a lifetime of a marriage that's as good as this poem? |
| I can't wait to start my life with you, | 9 | |
| Just being together, our dreams will come true | 11 | |
| I have no doubt I'm glad to be your wife, | 10 | |
| And being with me is now a part of your life | 12 | Lucky fellow... |
| I admire you for so many reasons, | 11 | |
| I mean look at what happened at the Four Seasons! | 12 | Huh? |
| We're about to experience the miracle of life, | 14 | |
| but always remember I'm so proud to be your wife, | 13 | |
| Having a family with you makes me so glad, | 12 | Glad? Control that explosive emotion, girl! |
| I know I'll never get sad, | 7 | Two key factors that contribute to this poem's immortal grandeur are Bec's vast vocabulary and her capacity for perspicacious introspection. |
| Thanks so much for choosing me, | 7 | |
| By sticking together we'll make a great family | 13 | Pronounced "fam-i-leeeeee" |
| Engaged and then married and now one on the way, | 12 | |
| I'll take such good care of you every day, | 10 | See? That rhyme hardly hurt at all |
| It's safe to say I'll love you more and more | 10 | |
And marrying you today, I couldn't be more sure. |
13 | |
| Rebecca Hewitt! I'm your wife! | 9 | |
| I promise you one thing, stick with me and you'll have a bloody good life! | 17 | |
| Daddy | God! |
| As the years fade on our tears fall with unconditional love, for we know you wont be here forever. | Apostrophe? |
| Our dreams grow closer to our hearts as we cherish every sweet memory from this world. | |
| Our hearts grow warmer with you around, who could ever take your place? | |
| Our security us held within your hands, yet you never close them, always watching out for us. | |
| The warmest hugs on terrible days are life savers. | |
| Daddy....when you reach for the stars can you spell out our names??so we can be sure were always remembered? | |
| I know memories fade but the stars will always shine bright upon us, sparkeling our names. | "sparkeling"? |
| We love you daddy, nothing will change that...I know you'll always guide me to the perfect lands | |
| and shine in my heart forever and always... | |
| I Love You Daddy... | Pass the bucket! |
| OPERATION DESERT FOX HAS BROKE OUT..... THE AMARICAN SECURITY WILL FINALLY BE MET..... JUST KILL SADDAM ALL TOGETHER THIS TIME....END IRAQ'S AGONY! |
Post script This is by the same author, on his/her home page: note the masterful spelling, grammar and depth of thought typical of great poets. As poems go, it's actually one of the author's better tries. |