The worst poetry on the internet

Worst Verse - truly awful poetry from the internet

Recently I have begun to believe,

Much to my chagrin and dread,

That the world of sensible poetry

Is on the brink of being dead.

The internet is a collection of the intellectual efforts of millions of people. It is a mirror of our cultures, societies and beliefs.

It is the ultimate expression of the breadth and depth of humanity.

It is also filled with godawfully crappy poetry.

Below please find the shame of humanity. Shudder as you witness these crimes against art, language and intellect.

Poetry is linguistic and intellectual craftsmanship of the highest order. Or at least it should be.

Why then, are most of the poems on the internet reeking of the worst spelling and grammatical atrocities committed since Star Trek first split the infinitive? Have you enjoyed the poem called "Independance Day" (sic)? Trust me: the poem was worse than the spelling of the title.

Why then, are most of the poems on the internet suffering from a level of saccharine sentimentality that would make the Osmond family and Hallmark greeting card authors vomit? Witness the numbers of angels, cloudy backgrounds, floral arrangements and references to love.

It seems childbirth, in particular, is a catalyst to the production of the most dreadful poetry.

Senile dementia also seems to uncork the wellspring of putrid poems. Senior citizens seem to believe that poems must rhyme at any cost, and that endless moral diatribes and lectures will do the rest of the world a power of good.

Poetry should be like nose-picking and masturbation: everybody does it, most people deny it, but few do it in public.

Hereunder, please find annoted public nostril-mining onanistic travesties of the English language. Sometimes I wish one needed a licence to write poetry.

Bad Teenage Poetry

Bad Granny Poetry

Bad Christian (and political) Poetry

Bad Weird P oetry

Bad Emotionally-Charged Poetry

Other sources of execrable verse:

http://www.writerswrite.com/messages/poetry.html

And, of course, the master poetry terrorist, William McGonagall

SELF DEFENCE TIP #1
Learn to recognise the enemy.

Really bad poetry is often flagged by the following:

a) nauseating graphics, usually angels and/or roses.
The evidence to your left was lifted by forensic poets at the site of a particularly nasty random poetry crime.
b) accompanying music such as "Tears in Heaven" or "Wind beneath my wings". At least the music is sympatico, and we can excuse Eric Clapton that one dreadful song considering the circumstances.

And now, L.B's defining and awful poem in full...

Modern Poetry

Recently I have begun to believe,

Much to my chagrin and dread,

That the world of sensible poetry

Is on the brink of being dead.

So much of what I see in the books

Of the published poets of this age,

Makes me shudder, and I ask myself,

"Is this the trend? Is this the gauge?"

I guess I have been somewhat blind

'Cause it's been famous for many years.

My poetry belongs to those of the past,

Which brings to my mind great fears.

Most of this modern poetry has such

Rambling dialogue and hidden meaning

That I ask myself, "What does it say?

What is the message I should be gleaning?"

And, punctuation is a thing of the past;

I don't even know how it should be accented.

What are we telling our children in school,

"That it doesn't matter how it is presented?"

But---that seems to be the accepted form

Of any well known poet, published, today

Will that remain the tolerated norm?

Is it here for a while, or, here to stay?

I trust the poetic world will return

Not only to rhythmic but rhyming as well;

And hope that the present day modernist

Hasn't sounded, to rhyming, the death knell.

More Crimes against Poetry to come... maybe!

Back to Nylon.net

Page last modified 2024-10-01 2:13 PM