The War Begins!

8 November 2002

Auntie ABC was scheduled to broadcast 'I Told You I Was Ill - A Tribute to Spike Milligan" at 8pm. IT DID NOT HAPPEN! Instead, there was a political debate between two politicians engaged in a recently-declared election.

As I alerted the Goon-aware world at alt.fan.goons:

On Auntie 774 kilogoons at 8pm this night, there is the "I told you I was ill" tribute to a certain Milligan, Spike (Gunner, Saint, trumpetologist)

Fire up the bamboo and wickerwork radio and listen... but ensure the anchovies are FRESH, or the whole thing will be a pointless waste of time.

With my VCR wired up to record from the tuner (not the anchovies), I was outraged when it did not begin at 8pm! I was even more outraged an hour later when Spike still had not appeared. I emailed alt.fan.goons...

Damned pollies have hijacked Spike! It's 8:55 and Spike still is doing an impersonation of various critics of the government and opposition due to impending state election.

BLAST!

(Exits to have crispy bacon on Sabrina)

As their violent disregard of Spike continued, I aimed a vicious electronic attack at the ABC headquarters:

I have alerted the Goon world at large that a tribute to Spike was to be heard at 8:00 post meridian - as announced in the Green Guide.

Unless one of your callers is exceptionally talented with voices, I am led to conclude that Spike has not appeared, and his tribute has been aborted!

Is it to be rescheduled? If so, when? alt.fan.goons is salivating to know.

Admitting the fragility of the ABC's defences, the announcer said five minutes later that he was NOT Spike Milligan and that the Tribute to Spike has been rescheduled until 8:05 next Friday.

He even read my email on air, and he didn't even PRETEND to be angered at the delay of Spiky material!

Outraged, I retaliated! Luckily, Auntie followed the election discussion with a limerick competition. I submitted this...

There once was a Tribute to Spike,
He was told to get on his bike.
The big ABC
Don't care, as you see,
What Goon fans 'round here really like.

This had them really worried. They read my limerick on air. BUT I DID NOT WIN THE LIMERICK COMPETITION!

The insult was deeply felt, but since the Goon Show Liberation Army has now successfully launched its first public outrage, we now plan to launch batter puddings at all ABC studios throughout Australia until... well... until SOMETHING Goon-related is featured in the national parliament.

We shall prevail!

Keep your puddings warm, folk. The revolution is happening NOW!

Keep the faith, comrades!

We shall not rest until the Lord's Prayer ends with a reference to Footo, the Wonder Boot Exploder (and Sabrina)