Sabrina Recites Gripes

4 December 1957

LONDON (CP)—Britain's most phenomenal moving landmark says she isn't being properly appreciated.

The landmark in question. Sabrina, is a blonde young lady whose dimensions 41-19-36 -can be recited glibly by schoolboys barely old enough to have forgotten the date of the Battle of Hastings.

Sabrina, a Lancashire lass named Norma Sykes before her public discovered her is properly or improperly appreciated nightly at a theatre on Piccadilly Circus by capacity audiences. Additional millions of statistical students take advantage of her frequent appearance on the educational medium of television.

LOOK AT VENUS

And yet, Sabrina mourns, the world is full of "smart-alecky critics who are constantly sneering at me."

An article under her byline in The Star emphasizes that the sneers don't bother her on her own account. She can take care of herself.

"But all this criticism is aimed at you, the public, who like me for what I am. Why the devil can't they let us alone?"

The critics say Sabrina can't act, sing or dance (the theatre billing says she does all three), but that isn't the point.

"Look at Venus de Milo." she says defiantly. "She acts pretty dumb. She can hardly dance, poor thing. But plenty of people have been getting enjoyment from looking at her for hundreds of years now."

And that isn't all.

REAL STUFF

"I'm no phoney. My measurements are real enough — registered at Lloyd's. My hair is natural. I've never been inside a beauty parlor in my life."

It's the "hypocritical critics" who are fooling themselves, she insists. They're just a spoilsport minority. Even clergymen ask her to open their bazaars and they don't do it because she sings in the choir.

The critics, presumably out on their feet by this time, then receive the Sunday punch—straight out of Shakespeare: "Dost thou think because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?"

In other words, she translates patiently against a background of a soft-voiced referee counting to 10: "For all your sobersided moralizing, do you really think that a fan will no longer turn his head to look at a pretty girl?"