Today's service will be delivered by the
Well Reverend Archbishop SAINT nylon.net
The Virtual Book of Chris
n the Beginning Was the Word, and the word was Chris. And the Lord, Chris, looked upon the world of Sim and thought it was pretty shabby overall.
2. And the Lord Chris spake words to Microprose. Saith he: "I've got this rather cool idea for a game," and verily, Microprose saith unto the Lord Chris, "Thou shouldst go for it, chumblybum."
3. And the Lord Chris dusted off His holy Compiler and the sacred Editor of Code.
4. And on the first day He created the seas. And made them sparkly.
5. And on the second day He created the land, with bumpy bits.
6. And on the third day He created the sounds, and thought they were pretty groovy.
7. And on the fourth day He went out to the pub because He wasn't seeing any action.
8. And on the fifth day He had a terrific hangover, but still managed to code the computer's Artificial Intelligence. And He looked at the AI algorithms and thought, "These are pretty crappy" but His headache was so bad He left them as they were.
9. And on the sixth day He made the trains that runneth over the tracks and the buses that go beep and the flying machines that crasheth into the ground. And He saw they were truly keen.
10. And on the seventh day He rested. In bed. With a friend.
11. And on the ninth day (He said we should not talk about the eighth day. He'd rather forget it ever happened) He said, "Let there be no helicopters after 1990 or so because they are offensive to the Lord" and the people did wonder, and make snide remarks about their useless heliports.
12. And on the tenth day He debugged.
13. And on the eleventh day He beta-tested and saw that it was good.
14. And He gave the Game of Chris to his people and said: "Take. Play. And don't make fun of the AI".
15. And his people did play with the Game of Chris and stayed up really late playing the Game and later on creating web pages about the Holy Game of Chris.
16. And years did pass. After the Deluxe Game was handed down, their Lord did not appear to his people. And his people were sorely tried. They cried out to the Lord: "Why have you forsaken us, Father? We follow the words of Chris, our Lord. When are you going to release TT3, you Bastard?"
17. And Chris, the Lord, said unto His people: "O ye of little faith. I am thinking about a followup maybe in a year or so" and His people were joyous and did play the Game once more.
18. And Chris
the Lord said to his people: "Pray to me at
18b. But then Lord Chris mysterious vanished again and his way-holy website was without his spirit. The faithful lamented and rent their clothes with grief. The chrissawyer.com system administrator issued edicts unto the flock saying, "Don't email this address. I can't send mail to Lord Chris." And the flock was dejected.
19. Anyway, upon the day of 29/04/98, Mark did pray unto the Way Holy Lord Chris. He said:
You may or may not be pleased to learn that there is now a Church of Transport Tycoon with a neat accompanying bible.20. Lo! The earth did tremble as the hand of the Lord did move upon the keys of his keyboard. He replied thus:
Subject: Re: The Church of Transport Tycoon
Dear Saint Mark,
Rest assured that I am content, and I command you to continue the good work in hope and faith that one day there may be a Transport Tycoon 2.
Here endeth the lesson.