nylon.net

nylon.net user's manual

and
Warranty

Thank you for using a nylon.net page.

Your new nylon.net page has been engineered and manufactured to nylon.net's high standards for dependability, ease of operation and operator safety. Properly cared for, it will give you years of rugged, trouble-free performance.

CAUTION: Carefully read through this entire operator's manual before using your new web page.

Pay close attention to the Rules for Safe Operation, Warnings, and Cautions. If you use your nylon.net web page properly and only for what it is intended, you will enjoy years of safe, reliable service. Thank you again for choosing nylon.net.

RULES FOR SAFE OPERATION

The instructions below do not by themselves eliminate any danger. The instruction or warnings they give are not substitutes for proper accident prevention measures.

Failure to obey a safety warning can result in serious injury to yourself or to others. Always follow the safety precautions to reduce the risk of fire, moral shock and personal injury.

IMPORTANT: servicing of a web page with high sarcastic content requires extreme care and knowledge of the system and should be performed only by a qualified service technician. For service, we suggest you return your web page to your nearest nylon.net authorised service centre. When servicing, use only genuine nylon.net replacement quips and witticisms.

WEAR YOUR SAFETY GOGGLES

The operation of any web page can result in foreign objects being thrown into your eyes. Before browsing, always wear safety goggles with side shields. We recommend the use of suitable ear protection to prevent the hearing of unsuitable noises emanating from your loudspeakers during the use of nylon.net. A mouthguard is also recommended to prevent dental damage.

teeth

1. GUARD AGAINST ELECTRICAL SHOCK

Do not use nylon.net while swimming, in the rain or while standing in puddles. For maximum safety, the wearing of an earth-grounding wrist strap is recommended.

2. KEEP WORK AREA CLEAN - AVOID SHARP OBJECTS

Cluttered areas and benches invite accidents. Remove pizza boxes, ashtrays and flammable sharp tools to a safe distance.

knife in head

3. KEEP CHILDREN AND VISITORS AWAY

Visitors should wear safety goggles and be kept a safe distance from the browsing area. Do not let visitors click links or view pages without having read these precautions. Children are especially at risk viewing nylon.net's advanced sarcastic content.

Baby coffin

4. STORE IDLE WEB PAGES

When not being browsed, nylon.net web pages should be stored safely in a dry and high or locked place out of the reach of children or adults with no sense of humour.

5. DON'T FORCE THE HUMOUR

Don't force these web pages to do the job of naked ladies telling jokes. Using these web pages for purposes not intended by the manufacturer may damage the pages and lead to dissatisfaction.

6. DRESS PROPERLY

Do not wear loose clothing or jewellery while browsing. The can be caught in moving parts such as floppy disk drives. Rubber gloves and non-skid footwear are recommended when browsing outdoors. Always wear protective hair covering to contain long hair.

7. PROTECT YOUR LUNGS

Wear a suitable dust mask if browsing conditions are dusty.

8. DON'T OVERREACH

Keep proper footing and balance at all times. Do not browse nylon.net on a ladder or unstable support. Secure your computer equipment if working at elevated levels.

Fat splat

9. MAINTAIN NYLON.NET WITH CARE

Keep your equipment dust-free and well-lubricated at all times. Never use brake fluids, gasoline or any strong solvents to clean your equipment. Before browsing, check to determine that all parts are working properly: check for alignment of moving parts, binding of parts, breakage of links and funniness of the jokes. Never feel amused when jokes are defective.

10. NEVER USE IN AN EXPLOSIVE ATMOSPHERE

If your partner(s) object(s)\ to nylon-related humour, make sure he or she is clear of the browsing area. Make sure you delete references to nylon.net from your history file before leaving the web page unattended. Clear the cache to prevent children stumbling upon sarcastic material.

11. NEVER USE WHEN UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF DRUGS, ALCOHOL OR ANY MEDICATION

This includes aspirin, heart medication, nicotine, LSD, heroin, anchovy pizza and Jolt. The page may have been created using all of these substances, but that's no excuse for you.

12. DO NOT BROWSE DURING EARTHQUAKES

The consequences could be severe.

Fallen building

 


nylon.net web site
WARRANTY

Subject to the warranty conditions below, this web site (hereinafter called "nylon.net") is warranted by nylon.net (hereinafter called "nylon.net") to be free of defects in material or workmanship for a period of 12 million years from the date of original loading, covering both parts and labour. Under the terms of this warranty, the repair or replacement of any page shall be the opinion of nylon.net or its authorised agent.

Warranty conditions

This warranty only applies provided that the product has been used in accordance with the manufacturer's recommendations under normal use and reasonable care (in the opinion of nylon.net) and such warranty does not cover damage, malfunction or failure resulting from misuse, neglect, abuse or used for a purpose for which it was not designed; and no repairs, alterations or modifications have been attempted by other than an Authorised Service Agent. Nylon.net accepts no additional liability pursuant to this warranty. Nothing herein shall have the effect of excluding, restricting or modifying any condition, warranty, right or liability imposed, to the extent only that such exclusion, restriction or modification would render any term herein void. All medical conditions caused by the viewing of nylon.net must be treated by nylon.net serious and dedicated highly-qualified surgeons.


Surgeons and corpse

nylon.net

Created: 2001
Restored to site: 2009
Cos: I still think it's funny.

Last modified: Sunday, 24 January, 2016 2:08 PM