Doris Spitworthy

As seen by over 12 people since August 2000!
(With a long break from 2004 to 2005 so I could have a good meal)

Hello, I'm Doris Spitworthy.

Bon vivante, weight loss counsellor, aerobics teacher, former ballet star.

Granny Spitworthy

Granny Spitworthy - mmm! Good genes!

Doris Spitworthy's mum

This is my mum who taught me everything I needed to know about good eating.

  My husband Micky wants me to say some things about myself for our webpage thingy. Here goes.

This is Micky. He's a boy scout leader, and likes muscle building with his muscular men friends.

Micky Spitworthy

MY PHOTO ALBUM

Here I am relaxing in bed being a bit naughty!  I had just finished my dawn snack and was waiting for my pre-breakfast to arrive.

 

Doris Spitworthy being naughty
Don't tell Micky but here are a few more NAUGHTY pictures of myself!

 

In the Seventies, when streaking was the craze.
One morning I woke up early, ready for some rudie nudie exercise!

Doris Spitworthy nudie

I didn't streak far before I ran out of puff...

Doris Spitworthy jogging

 

Here I am preparing for a nice relaxing shower before some BUMP AND GRIND with Micky.

Doris Spitworthy in the shower

Do you think it's a bit too rude to show a naughty bump and grind photo?

Doris Spitworthy nookie

Micky goes all sorts of strange colours when we have nookie!


 

MY DREAM: To be a ballerina again (but my ankles won't stand the constant punishment of leaping, stretching, and standing up)

 

MY FAVOURITE FOODS:

 

Pizza, McDonalds, Hungry Jacks, Red Rooster, Fasta Pasta, Black Forest Cake, pies (any type), pavlova, fruit cake, turkey (whole or in pieces), chocolate (my little weakness), eclairs, haggis, salami, cheese, fried Mars Bars, ice cream (all flavours), lolly pops, most frozen food (I like it cold and crunchy!), low-fat yogurt with whipped cream, toffee, Honey Smacks, small roasted rhinoceroses, curried dog, deep-fried chocolate.

    Non-fattening cake

    (Above - I'm enjoying a non-fattening cake produced by my local baker who assures me that it's worth $200 because it actually reduces my weight! I aim to eat at least four a day to keep myself thin and sexy)

     

Did I mention I have some rude NAUGHTY pictures of myself?
Shhh...don't tell everyone.

Here is the strict diet my doctor put me on.  Boy, it's tough.
PRE-BREAKFAST
    4 to 8 eggs, any style, 1/2 pound of bacon, or a pound or more of ham, a can of peaches mixed with a pint of cream "and lots of sugar",
BREAKFAST
    a loaf or more of bread, sliced, with butter and jelly, cafe au lait made with cream instead of milk, with sugar
PRE-LUNCH
    3 to 4 pork chops - "if they were breaded, I'd have five" - with gravy, a platter of fried potatoes "including all the grease",
LUNCH
    vegetable of choice served in a sauce of cream, sugar, salt, and pepper, a loaf or more of bread, sliced, with butter
POST-LUNCH
    4 pieces of peach pie with whipped cream, about 1/2 gallon of milk
AFTERNOON
SNACKS
    One or more boxes of candy, 6 or 7 bananas, cookies, apples, popcorn, etc.
DINNER 1
    Most of a large roast, or one or more whole chickens, with gravy, 3 or more servings of mashed potatoes. "Sometimes I would eat enough mashed potatoes to feed an entire family of ten. I would hollow out little holes, sink in the butter, and cover it all with gravy.",
DINNER 2
    2 avocados in season, or mixed green salad with grated cheese and mayonnaise dressing hot biscuits with butter and honey, 4 pieces of custard pie, half a cake, or 2 pounds of candy, about 1/2 gallon of milk
EVENING
SNACKS
    4 or 5 sandwiches, ice cream, or in summer "the leavings of a frozen custard machine that belonged to some friends of mine. Every night they gave me a half-gallon bucket which was filled with the extra thick and creamy custard which had settled at the bottom of the machine."
BEDTIME
SNACK
    2 pieces of pie. I also like to take a box of crackers to bed each night, and munch myself to sleep.
I try my best, but sometimes I splurge and eat a teensy bit more!
MY PETS

Fat pets

We have two beautiful pets, Sam the Sausage Dog and Cuddles the Cat.
We found the baby on our doorstep one day, but he looked a bit Japanese so we left him there.

 

MY SCARIEST
MOMENT
When my ankles went and I realised I'd never dance ballet again.

This is a piccy of me when I was young and slim dancer performing "The Naked Dance of the Seven Veils".  The dance director never let me take the last veil off my head.  Not really sure why...

Dance of the seven veils

When I knew I would never perform Swan Lake again, I cried and cried and poor Micky had to cuddle me, a bit at a time.

Since then I've been largely bed-ridden and rely on the tender mercies of the pizza delivery people who visit regularly.   In fact three pizza restaurants have opened around our house in the past year.  Talk about spooky!  What do you think are the chances of that happening ????


BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE

My wedding (mainly the reception).

I'm sure many a bride has eaten an entire wedding cake by herself. Youthful nerves, I guess!


MY HEALTH

I'm proud to say I am very conscious of my health. My strict diet (see above) keeps me slim, and I exercise regularly. Did you know how many calories get burnt simply by lifting a 2 litre tub of chocolate icecream several times a day?

Here I am with some of my friends preparing for our regular mammograms. It's important to a girl's health, but I don't know why the mammogram doctor needs photograph us licking our scannable areas clean. Surely a moist towelette would do equally well.

mamogram


MY HERO

My hero must be Cheryl who leads our local weight loss group. She's such a plucky little thing. She's wasted away to nearly nothing! I say to her, "Cheryl", I say. "Why do you think you need to lose weight, Cheryl?"

Slim Cheryl


MY PERSONAL TRAINERS

Thanks, Natalya. Your self-discipline has taught me everything I need to continue to be trim and taut!

Thin Natalya

Below is a picture of my ballet teacher, whose career was tragically cut short by steps that were so poorly built that they collapsed under her. A shocking indictment of modern negligence!

Tragic teacher


It looks like Micky wants me to finish up now!
I'll say "goodbye" to you and write again as soon as I can.

I have to go to bed early tonight because I've been booked for a photoshoot tomorrow.
Those car makers really like a sexy girl to sell their cars.
And they also get me to test the suspension of their big trucks too. What strange people they are!

Doris Spitworthy sells cars


I'm going to have a refreshing drink of cola (with a spoonful of lard in it) on our very sturdy porch!

Doris Spitworthy on the porch

Hooroo, and God bless our family and yours!

Go to the nylon pinups

Back to nylon.net